Our first reading, describing the final judgement before the throne of God, talks about those being saved, who were found “written in the book”. God, it seems, has a book of names of those who are going to heaven. This book, called the “book of life” or “the book of the living” is mentioned in several places in the Bible, both in the Old Testament and the New. In the final book of the Bible, the Book of Revelation, for instance, we are shown a vision of “a great white throne and the one who sat on it; …with the dead, great and small, standing before the throne, and books were opened. Also another book was opened, the book of life. And the dead were judged according to their works, as recorded in the books” (Revelation 20: 11,12).
That image, of the whole human race, myself included, standing before the throne of God at the end of time for judgement, haunted me throughout my young years. I could so easily picture myself, sweating and trembling, as the recording angel skimmed through the pages of the book, searching for my name in it. It didn’t help at all that I was an altar server as a boy, and used to serve at funerals. In those days, before the liturgical changes of the Second Vatican Council, funerals were dreadful, gloomy occasions. Everyone wore black vestments, there was a black pall on the coffin, the readings all spoke of punishment and hell, the music was dirty, and there was, above all, the intoning of the “Dies Irae” (Latin for “The Wrath of God”), from the prophet Zephaniah: “The great day of the Lord is near … that day will be a day of wrath, a day of distress and anguish, a day of darkness and gloom, a day of clouds and thick darkness, a day of trumpet blast and battle cry” (Zephaniah 1:14-16). My skin would crawl, my knees would knock, and a holy terror would run through me, as I listened to that. I spent my youth, believing that I would go to hell when I died, and praying intensely that this wouldn’t happen. I would go to confession every week, so that I would not have sin on my soul if I were to die suddenly, without warning. God was for me at that time, a God of anger, not of love and mercy.
Things have changed considerably since then, to my great relief. The dark vestments and cloths have changed into white ones, the songs and readings are full of hope of resurrection and eternal life in heaven, and the “Dies Irae” has been replaced by much more consoling words: “May flights of angels escort you to your eternal home … Eternal rest grant unto them , O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them, May they rest in peace. Amen”. And in my homilies now, I can dwell on the mercy and compassion and unconditional love of God for each of his children, and his intense desire and abiding intention that we should join him in heaven to spend an eternal life of blessedness with him.
And in my later years, my fears and terrors of going to hell when I die have given way to assurance that, as Jesus says in the gospel of John, “Very truly, I tell you, anyone who hears my word, and believes him who sent me, HAS ETERNAL LIFE. He does not come under judgement, but has passed from death to life.” (John 5: 24). Far from standing, sweating and trembling, at the throne of God, desperate to hear that I just managed to squeeze myself into the book of life, I now believe that, far from being a God of anger, just waiting to send me to hell, God has a very different destiny for me. As far as God is concerned, there is a place already reserved for me, and all believers, at the heavenly banquet, and in the words of St Paul’s letter to the Ephesians, he has “raised us up and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus” (Ephesians 2: 6). That is where God already sees each one of us, brothers and sisters, and the rest, as far as he is concerned, is just detail. All we have to do, in the words of our psalm today, is “keep the Lord always before me”, with Jesus at my right hand, from which position, I intend never to let myself “be moved.”
Does that mean that I am already perfect? Absolutely not, far from it. But I agree with the words of St Paul in his letter to the Philippians, where he says: “Not that I have already obtained this or have already been made perfect; but I press on to make this goal my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own” (Phil 3: 12). I still go to confession regularly, but now I don’t go in fear and trembling, desperately trying to keep my soul pure so I don’t go to hell. Now I go, because I want to keep my soul pure, because I absolutely don’t want to spend a single moment in purgatory than necessary So many people, including faithful Catholics, seem to have resigned themselves to the conclusion that they will end up having to spend some time at least in purgatory. While this is certainly a lot better than thinking they are going to hell, it is still settling for second best, when God wants the best of the best for us, heaven. That should be the uppermost desire and intent of our lives. Again to quote St Paul: “forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on towards the goal for the prize of the heavenly call of God in Christ Jesus.” (Phil 3: 13-14). I want , when I die, to go straight to heaven, because that is where God wants and expects me to be, it is why he sent his Son, Jesus, to redeem us from sin, “so that everyone who believes in him may not perish but may have eternal life” (John 3:16). As I said earlier, the reason why I still go regularly to confession, is not to avoid going to hell, but to avoid having to spend any time in purgatory.
If this sounds like boasting and smugness, brothers and sisters, as if I am better than you, let me correct any such impression straightaway You may think that I am obviously holier than you, just because I am a priest, but I know my sinful areas very well, which is why I go to confession regularly. I believe the revelations of saints like Faustina and others, who have had visions of hell, and seen priests, bishops, and cardinals there. I do believe in hell, and it is still a fundamental doctrine of the Bible and Church teaching, and I absolutely don’t want or intend to go there. But I no longer live in fear of going there, not because I am so holy or never sin (I do!), but because the word of God assures me that “God desires above all that everyone be saved and come to know the truth” (1 Timothy 2:4) and that Christ Jesus “gave himself as a ransom for all.”
We have just completed our Life in the Spirit seminars, in which we covered such topics as “The Love of God” and “Salvation in Jesus Christ”, and we studied many Scripture verses dealing with such topics and others. It was my own experience of going through those seminars many years ago, and learning to read the Bible, that brought about the change in my whole attitude to what are called “the four last things” in Catholic teaching: viz, death, judgement, heaven and hell (note that purgatory is not one of the four last things, because it is only a staging post on the way to heaven anyway, for those who die with some venial sin on their soul.) My attitude towards these four last things has been transformed from one of fear and continual anxiety, to one of faith and trust in God and his Son, Jesus. And if you think that I am erring too much on the side of trust, all I can say is that it is so much better than being so much on the side of fear, as I was for most of my young life.
Where do you stand on such matters, brothers and sisters, on the side of faith and trust, or of fear and anxiety? I don’t, as I said, think I deserve to be saved, just because I am a priest. I know I don’t. St Paul in his letter to the Ephesians, writes: “It is by grace that you have been saved through faith, and that is not your own doing, it is the gift of God, not the result of works, so that no one may boast” (Ephesians 2: 8-9). No-one absolutely deserves to be saved – not I, nor the bishop, not even the Pope. St Paul again, in his letter to the Romans, says: “There is no distinction, since all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. So we are all now made right with God as a gift, through the salvation that is in Christ Jesus, whom God sent to be a sacrifice of atonement by his blood, made effective through our faith” (Romans 3: 23-24). This assurance, this trust in salvation, belongs to all who have faith in Jesus, in his saving death and resurrection. For those who still live in fear about going to hell, remember the words of St John in his first letter: “There is no fear in love, but God’s perfect love casts out fear, for fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not reached perfection in love.” (1 John 4: 18). I want you to be free from the kind of fear that gripped me about my eternal destiny when I was younger, and have that fear transformed instead into faith and trust in God’s loving destiny for us, which is salvation. Let us pray for the Holy Spirit, which pours into our hearts the love of God, as Paul reminds us in his letter to the Romans (5:5) to free us from fear and give us perfect trust in his love.